Templeton’s launch brand new range of Hardware Jewellery

 

 

OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

jewellry1Templeton’s Hardware are excited to announce their latest brilliant venture “Hardware Jewellery”.  Managing Director and Creative Guru, Derek Templeton said  “This exciting launch brings together months of creative design and planning.  We fully expect to be overwhelmed with demand.”

Templeton’s Hardware has been at the cutting edge of the retail sector for years under the entrepreneurship and dynamic leadership that is Derek Templeton.  Derek explains  “In a market where consumers have less money and are more selective, I had the brain wave to link hardware and luxury altogether under one roof.”  Supported in-store by fellow members of his newly formed Buying Committee, Derek explained that both Doreen Baldock and PC Tucknott had creative input.  “Doreen wears jewellery and was able to help with the design and PC Tucknott chose the string.”

Derek explains that its easy to get started.  “We have a carefully selected range of bits of piping and nuts and bolts, none of which have come from in-store damages, or job-lots.”

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“Our shoppers can mix and match and then wait whilst Doreen or PC Tucknott assemble their own design.  There is a small incremental  charge if the shopper wants help with the design and you would expect from a design studio such as ours.”   Derek explains that the turnaround time is quick.  “The advantage of having PC Tucknott involved is that he gained experience of knot tying when he was a scout leader, before the “scout in a headlock incident”, which he has now put behind him.”

Prices start from £19.99 and are an ideal New Year’s Day present. There is an introductory £1 off offer for orders of 5 or more.

 

Wendy can’t cook, but Tracey and Mitch can certainly drink

Turkey

Just a short update here to share with you the craziness that is the Templeton’s household on Christmas Day.

Tracey and Mitch did sod all other than drink their way through a case of my Carlsberg lager. They bought nothing, made nothing and did nothing. My present from them ? Sodding bloody socks. Shove it !

Wendy drank Snowballs and (delete as appropriate) Can’t weight things properly/can’t read things properly/can’t follow instructions/can’t choose the right temperature on the oven/just can’t do anything right.

So this is our wonderful Turkey which only looks slightly less tanned than Mr Cheap as Chips Bargain Antiques Man – and I’d pop him on the nose if he came round as well !

Merry bloody Christmas !

Doreen Baldock’s horrible mince-pies

Mince-Pies

“Mr Templeton, I’ve got a lovely idea for winning customers over”  said Doreen on Saturday.  “I can make some mince pies.”

“My Mum used to make mince pies”  piped PC Tucknott  “But they tasted shit !”

“Tucknott.  I will not tolerate language like that in the shop and if your Mum heard you speak like that she would clip you round the ear.”

“Sorry Tempo.”

“Don’t call me Tempo, Tucknott.” He did it on purpose when I tried to be authoritative.

“Right Doreen” I continued. “You can certainly make mince pies for the customers, but in your own time.”

This morning, Doreen plonked an Aldi shopping bag on the counter.  Contained within was a Tupperware box with 17 mince pies.

“I wanted to do 20, Mr Templeton, but Archie my cat jumped up and licked three” explained Doreen. ” I wasn’t quite sure which ones he licked, but I took three out.  Would you like to try one ?”

” I won’t right now, thank you Doreen.  I’ve only just had breakfast.”  I lied.

Doreen found a plate from the kitchen and displayed the mince pies in a formation leading to one solitary pie balancing precariously on the top.

“It seems a shame to spoil the display, Mr Templeton.  Where shall I put the plate?”

I pointed to a space near the till  and  watched  Doreen place a plastic sprig of holly on top.  Tucknott was marking up the price of driveway salt following the weekend’s sharp snap.

Charlie Duggan was our first customer of the morning.  He runs his own motor repair workshop creatively called “Duggan’s Motors” and was after some WD40. He  had run out because  Tommy his apprentice had forgotten to order any.  Charlie hates paying me retail for something he should be buying cheaper. It puts him in a foul mood and makes me laugh.

“Morning Charlie” said Doreen taking the WD4o and placing it in a brown paper bag.  “Would you like a mince-pie?  It’s my own recipe.”

Charlie looked disdainfully as the plastic holly rolled spontaneously from the plate and onto the floor by his feet.  He nodded and picked one up wondering if that really was a star shape on the top.

“Mr Templeton thought it would be lovely to thank our customers with a little mince-pie.”  Doreen did a horrible little curtsey thing.  It was bollocks and I had never said such rubbish.

Charlie looked at Doreen in bewilderment and bit into his festive fayre. He immediately  spat it on the floor.

“These are shit, Templeton !” he growled scraping his tongue with his finger nails.  “Give me free shit like that again and I will shop somewhere else.”

I sighed and pointed to Tucknott to mark up the WD40.

Merry Christmas from Derek Templeton

Well,  Christmas is nearly here at Templeton’s Hardware and PC Tucknott, Doreen and myself would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas !

The new news here is that recent circumstances (which I am not prepared to go into) have resulted in me deciding to share some of the key business decisions with PC Tucknott and Doreen.  Tucknott has now finished his community service order following the scout in a headlock incident and Doreen is happier now that Tucknott and I have started lifting the toilet seat and doing No 2’s at home rather than at work.

Templeton’s is a happy workplace.

So, I’ve formed a Buying Committee and Tucknott, Doreen and I meet on Wednesday mornings to mull over the latest market offerings. I am proud to announce that we have decided on our key range offering for the season 2012/2013. All the products below are available in store now at a range of competitive prices. Do pop buy and stock up on

The Motorized Rolling Pin

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No longer will you have aching wrists or “rolling-pin elbows” with our fantastic motorized rolling-pin. Just press the button on the handle and go with the flow. Price £36.99

The Family Blankeez

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God we know its cold at the moment – especially in East Yorkshire, but now families can wrap up toasty warm with the Family Blankeez. The brilliance of this clever invention is that it doubles as a cover for the family on weekend bike rides in less than clement weather. Price £27.99

The Pet Sweep

Gift 5 Gift 6How many times have pet owners had to clear up muddy paw marks from the previously beautifully clean kitchen and hall floors. Wel know we let the pets do the work with Pet Sweep. Simply attach the dust boots to the paws of your favourite pooch and sit back and watch your floors get clear. Price £19.99

Merry Christmas

Derek, PC Tucknott and Doreen – Templeton’s Hardware Buying Committee