Meet Sid Cowell

As with any small market town, Sprodlington has its eccentrics.   Most are harmless. For instance,  we all know Colin is unpredictable especially when a casual game of dominoes turns against him, but he isn’t really troublesome.

Councillor Sid Wormell is however a complete pain in the arse. Forever chasing the limelight, Wormell announced to The Sprodington Post this week that he has changed his name to Sid Cowell in honour of his idol Simon.  Having spent time at the local comprehensive school judging their “Sprod Idol” competition, which Fleur Brinklow won with her lovely acoustic rendition of The Grateful Dead’s “China Cat Sunflower”, he has insisted in staying in character ever since.

Last Saturday, Sid came into the shop.

“I can honestly say this is  poor attempt at a Hardware store.” he announced.

“Piss off Sid !”

“But you do have the likeability factor,” he replied “And you remind me of a young Ronnie Barker in Open all Hours.”

“You remind me of everything I never wanted to be Sid.”



Making your mind up!

“It’s always best to get out at the top” they say. But if you decide not to, as shown by The Original Bucks Fizz, then at least your loyal fans get further chances to see your amazing act. And you’ll still get to support some amazing groups on “the circuit” like Bjorn Again – the Abba tribute act.

Bucks Fizz The Original line up includes Jay Ashton, Cheryl Thingy and Mike The Blonde One but not The Older One who can still grace the stage pumping out the old old favourites like “Land of make believe” “Making your mind up” and the other ones.

Brilliant new routines with stunning choreography and really tricky new moves like the “pat a cake” are available for all to see as they tour. And the costumes are just as scanty as when Mike The Blonde One and Bobby G ripped off skirts from Jay and Cheryl in front of an appreciative crowd at the European Song Contest on March 11th 1981. It’s great to know that the outfits look as good then as they do today.

But Bucks Fizz took nothing for granted, and promoted their last tour hard in 2009 on popular tv shows like Loose Women and Live from Studio Five and they even promoted their tour dates with significant milestones like when they said “the band are working hard on the one off show at Newcastle City Hall on the 12th December 2009. It’s the 25th anniversary of the 1984 coach crash where Mike Nolan nearly lost his life. See the homepage for ticket details for this very special show.”

With vast media coverage and self-promotion like this its no wonder the band played in front of some packed, heaving audiences.

Taking the Nation by storm – The next big thing

The next big thing

There’s been some well-considered comments from my friends Merewoman and a lovely chap in France called Jon about my act which is designed to take the Nation by storm in the next series of Britain’s Got Talent.
Now we are all agreed that whistling and humming at the same time is pretty damn special, but Merewoman (now she has steadied herself a little) is very much focused on adding a third dimension to the act. I say steadied, as she was once suggesting the inflation of balloons from the wrong endand waving them at Her Majesty.
I am pretty fixed on adding the Samoan Fa’ataupati Slap Dance

The commercial benefits are huge. Just think this through. I head the group with my whistling and humming of “Windmills of your mind” (The Noel Harrison version not Dusty’s) Behind me Merewoman, Jon in France, Doris Brazil and BlarneyCrone (although I’m not sure about her yet as she blames everyone for her mistakes and might cause some disquiet in the group) perform the Samoan Fa’ataupati Slap Dance.
Suddenly, Amanda Holden is on her feet doing the seal clap. Piers is smiling and Simon has “sailed us through to the next round.”
The nation is agog and the lavalava has become the new Vuvezela.
“Where can we get the lavalavas?” the nation begs.
Then, after Templetons Hardware has sold out, the focus switches to the only other UK stockist in Appleton MarshDoris Brazil’s Ladies Wear. Elsewhere in Europe Merwoman makes a bundle as she has just acquired the exclusive rights to market Doris Brazil’s ladies’ clothing in France, including the islands of French Polynesia, Wallis and Futuna, Mayotte and French Guyana and I would let Jon in France benefit too.
I think we’re all on to a winner here.

Britain’s Got Talent Auditions

I watched most of Britain’s Got Talent last year, but on reflection, I wonder whether they are judging the people with real talent or if Simon Cowell has just let the potential revenue generators through.
I mean yes, Susan Boyle sang well and Diversity danced together, and in this series the Spelboud group were strong and supple – but is that real talent?
I can whistle and hum at the same time. I think that’s a real talent and its one that I think will get that Amanda out of her seat doing her seal clapping thing, whilst she smiles and fully tests her Botox. Even Piers Morgan would say
“This is real talent. This is what this competition is all about. Its a “yes” from me.” And Cowell would say
“You’ve got three yesses. You’re sailing through to the next round.”
My challenge would be to pick the correct song to get the crowd out of their seats, clapping along to start with. I am considering the following
Durham Town – Roger Whittaker
Where do you go to my lovely – Peter Sarstetd
The Windmills of you mind – Noel Harrison