Templeton’s launch brand new range of Hardware Jewellery




jewellry1Templeton’s Hardware are excited to announce their latest brilliant venture “Hardware Jewellery”.  Managing Director and Creative Guru, Derek Templeton said  “This exciting launch brings together months of creative design and planning.  We fully expect to be overwhelmed with demand.”

Templeton’s Hardware has been at the cutting edge of the retail sector for years under the entrepreneurship and dynamic leadership that is Derek Templeton.  Derek explains  “In a market where consumers have less money and are more selective, I had the brain wave to link hardware and luxury altogether under one roof.”  Supported in-store by fellow members of his newly formed Buying Committee, Derek explained that both Doreen Baldock and PC Tucknott had creative input.  “Doreen wears jewellery and was able to help with the design and PC Tucknott chose the string.”

Derek explains that its easy to get started.  “We have a carefully selected range of bits of piping and nuts and bolts, none of which have come from in-store damages, or job-lots.”


“Our shoppers can mix and match and then wait whilst Doreen or PC Tucknott assemble their own design.  There is a small incremental  charge if the shopper wants help with the design and you would expect from a design studio such as ours.”   Derek explains that the turnaround time is quick.  “The advantage of having PC Tucknott involved is that he gained experience of knot tying when he was a scout leader, before the “scout in a headlock incident”, which he has now put behind him.”

Prices start from £19.99 and are an ideal New Year’s Day present. There is an introductory £1 off offer for orders of 5 or more.


Merry Christmas from Derek Templeton

Well,  Christmas is nearly here at Templeton’s Hardware and PC Tucknott, Doreen and myself would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas !

The new news here is that recent circumstances (which I am not prepared to go into) have resulted in me deciding to share some of the key business decisions with PC Tucknott and Doreen.  Tucknott has now finished his community service order following the scout in a headlock incident and Doreen is happier now that Tucknott and I have started lifting the toilet seat and doing No 2’s at home rather than at work.

Templeton’s is a happy workplace.

So, I’ve formed a Buying Committee and Tucknott, Doreen and I meet on Wednesday mornings to mull over the latest market offerings. I am proud to announce that we have decided on our key range offering for the season 2012/2013. All the products below are available in store now at a range of competitive prices. Do pop buy and stock up on

The Motorized Rolling Pin

Gift 1

No longer will you have aching wrists or “rolling-pin elbows” with our fantastic motorized rolling-pin. Just press the button on the handle and go with the flow. Price £36.99

The Family Blankeez

Gift 2Gift 3

God we know its cold at the moment – especially in East Yorkshire, but now families can wrap up toasty warm with the Family Blankeez. The brilliance of this clever invention is that it doubles as a cover for the family on weekend bike rides in less than clement weather. Price £27.99

The Pet Sweep

Gift 5 Gift 6How many times have pet owners had to clear up muddy paw marks from the previously beautifully clean kitchen and hall floors. Wel know we let the pets do the work with Pet Sweep. Simply attach the dust boots to the paws of your favourite pooch and sit back and watch your floors get clear. Price £19.99

Merry Christmas

Derek, PC Tucknott and Doreen – Templeton’s Hardware Buying Committee

Poor Willie Morris and his pumpkins

Poor Willie Morris had built a beautiful cart display of pumpkins outside of Morris’ Greengrocers here in Sprodlington.  He had chained his cart up outside his shop ready for the main selling day – today Halloween, 31st October 2012.  The lock should have been sufficient –  I know as I sold it to him yesterday. It would have taken a major cutting tool, for instance the 1/2″ Grinding Wheel, Cutoff Wheel, and Flap Disc Assortment for Metal, to remove it – I shouldn’t wonder.

It appears that these hooded vandals took the cart up to the allotment area and smashed them all against the tree earlier this morning.

Shocking news for poor Willie, but at least Templeton’s Hardware have some left for sale today for the otherwise disappointed townsfolk – £4.99 each whilst stocks last.

Making a real splash !

It would be remiss of me not to mention Beryl Tanner, Christine Pulton and Sue Carter who are attempting 10 continuous lengths at the Gladys Minton Memorial baths today.

Many of you know about the run-in I have had with the ladies next door in the RSPB shop, which culminated in a stand-off when I found myself very close to expanding  and closing them down. You will recall that I suffered a leaflet campaign. I decided to keep my options open and have since considered opening an ice cream parlour or expanding Templeton’s Hardware  into the nearby town of Market Dryston.

There are two reasons why Beryl chose to  raise money in a Swimathon.  Firstly, her husband Clive died earlier in the year after suffering a stroke.  I  was bitterly affected and saddened as he had been an excellent customer over the years.  The second reason, according to The Sprodlington Post is that the Greenish Warbler (which I imagine is a greenish warbing type bird) is proving harder to find in East Yorkshire than ever before. Beryl, Christine and Sue have therefore decided to split their  sponsorship money equally between the local stroke association and the purchase of some hairless caterpillars which are highly sought after by the Geenish Warbler.

So, Good Luck Ladies !


Olympic Gifts on very special offer


It goes without saying that as an exceptional entrepreneur with an eye for profit, I am seldom too wide of the mark and have my finger on the highest pulse point. However, given the shenanigans at home with Wendy and Tracey returning and taking over ChezTempos, I might just have taken my eye off the ball – just a little.

I had a fantastic Jubilee; I sold through all of the remaining 1977 Silver Jubilee dross which had stayed boxed in the store room for what seemed like an eternity. I even penciled some wrinkles on a few Lady Diana mugs and sold them  to a short sighted lady as The Queen memorabilia. She as happy enough.

But, if I am being honest, I may have misjudged the Olympics. I hadn’t done my research and when Alan Cartwright offered me a sure-fire winner, namely some official mascots in official Olympic colours, I bought 200 and expected them to fly from the table outside of the shop. It appears as though they are not official colours and may not even be made by Burnberry.

To date I have sold 7 – I am open to offers for the other 193.

Getting into the Jubillee spirit

I gave PC Tucknott an opportunity to show me a little entrepreneurial spirit.

“Tucknott, do me some flags which we can sell for the Golden Jubilee.  We’ll display them by the till and they’ll work as an impulse purchase.”

For those not in the know,  retailers deliberately place products we feel you may  spontaneously buy at the checkout, just so you add-on the purchase  at the end. Like a little treat.

“Dat’s de biz idea Tempo !” shouted Tucknott, who still seems intent of using this street kid talk.  “Them’s all gonna want de Queenie and dat !”

“Just do the flags  Tucknott please.”  I said.   I got him some pens and paper and took a few sticks from the fuchsias outside.  I sat him down and left him for forty minutes.  The shop had a little flurry: a few screws, a couple of door handles and a tub of Swarfega were popped into paper bags as the till sang its merry tunes.

“I’ve done one for Prince Charles of Wales”  shouted Tucknott.  “He can wave them with his kids.”  I balanced the downside of Tucknott’s stupidity with the upside that the gangsta talk appeared to have been forgotten.

“That’s good Tucknott”  said I as trying hard to muster a  smile.  “But can you so me some of the Union Jack please and  I want 30 by lunchtime.”

“Ask Derek !” – a NEW 24 hour service !

Derek Templeton (that’s me) is going plural !

Having been inundated with requests for membership of the online dating consultancy “Templeton’s Temptations” I have realised that I have sold myself considerably short. I’ve been far too limited with my reach to help the population of Britain, France and in fact the world. For that reason I have decided to launch “Ask Derek!”

I have such a diverse span of interests and knowledge. Recently I have been asked fashion advice from a lady living in France; a young student also asked my advice for an essay on the theatre and of course I am continually overwhelmed with questions about relationships.

“Ask Derek !” is a new 24 hour service* where people are free to ask me any question and I will do my best to provide an answer. It could be advice about a relationship, or a fashion style. Perhaps a meal and wine combination or a question about which animals deserve to be saved first in priority order. The choice is yours. (It’s a bit like Ask Jeeves, but better and without adverts).

Initially “Ask Derek !” will be a free service with no subscription charge and adds to a growing list of services offered from the expanding Derek Templeton Corporation. “Ask Derek !” is available through Facebook and also Twitter @derektempleton1

  • Hardware Stores – Templeton’s Hardware, Sprodlington
  • Care in the Community – currently mentoring PC Tucknott, Sprodlington’s Special Counstable.
  • Creative inspiration – source of shop names in “The Stillness of Time Travel” by AJ Maddicott
  • Relationship Counselling – Templeton’s Temptations
  • 24 hour* advice service – The NEW “Ask Derek !” service.

Derek Templeton

*there are no guarantees that I will be answering questions 24 hours a day. Whilst they can be asked 24 hours a day – I will answer them when I get around to it.


Norman beats the hosepipe ban.

Norman Mingett came to see me the other week. We’ve been  friends for ages, but have been in touch less since he moved to Lincolnshire to be closer to his daughter Margaret.

“You know they’ve gone and given us a hose pipe ban down there, Derek”  Norman rasped.

“Well you moved to Lincolnshire, Norman.”  I replied.  “And it’ll be warmer there!”

“But I’ve just  got an allotment and a need to water my tomatoes, Derek!”

I glanced around the shop and caught sight of  five watering cans homing a few webs that in turn were homing a few spiders.

“Norman, I’ll do you a deal.” I said  – having first quickly worked out what a 25% increase was on £11.99 .  “I’ll do you a four and one free deal on those watering cans and that way you can fill them at home and drive them to the allotment!”

“You’re a genius Derek.”

I think we both agreed on that point.

And so, off Norman went with his five watering cans which he now fills from home with water and drives to his allotment.

It was lovely to see him.

Templeton’s famous EXCLUSIVE East Yorkshire Pansies


Templetons Hardware are proud to announce the launch of their EXCLUSIVE East Yorkshire Pansies.

Unlike any other Pansies you have seen before, these have an extra-large black spot in the middle of every flower.

Owner and proprietor Derek Templeton said “We’re very proud to have found this unique Pansy in the heart of East Yorkshire. No other Pansy has such big spot in the middle of it.” He continued, “We have taken the East Yorkshire Pansy and lovingly potted it in a limited edition dishwasher proof cup. Each plant comes complete with a support structure.”

At £5.99 the East Yorkshire Pansy is a must have on any windowsill.

Templeton’s Temptations – A Lover’s Guide

I am today announcing the impending launch of Templeton’s Temptations.

It should be clear to all that since reading “Pandora’s Box” I have found the key to unlock a woman’s natural desire.  Through my Facebook page I literally have queues of women wanting to get to know me better. Some are new, like Mable who find it difficult to hide their strong emotional attraction to me, whilst others who have lived abroad are even returning back to the UK –  just  to be a little closer.

I’ve decided to share my wisdom and charm to help other less fortunate souls than myself through my new venture Templeton’s Temptations.

Templeton’s Temptations is a bespoke dating service where I will personally help and coach lonely single women to understand how best to make themselves appealing to the opposite sex. By simply sending in a quality photograph I will be able to see whether I can help you, and then for the small cost of an evening meal and some travel expenses, I will coach you on a one to one basis in a restaurant of my choice in the finer art of attracting men.

If, having received your photo I can see that we cannot significantly help you at Templeton’s Temptations we will immediately return your photograph (providing it was sent in a SAE)  immediately with either a voucher for some dental treatment or a facial scrub depending on which we feel will best suit you.

For Gentlemen, we have a small booklet for the price of £35 which has some exclusive do’s and don’ts.

Please contact me through my Facebook page for more information.