Me and my Big Mouth !

Well at least now I know that someone who reads this blog, or is an acquaintance of mine on Facebook has contacts in my small market town of Sprodlington.

A few weeks ago I told you all about Dave Threadmere and how I was gloating about how I had short-changed him for a 7/16 inch and 1/2 inch quad box wrench.

I’d only just popped out tonight for a quick pint of Bishop’s Pizzle in The Cross Keys, when I walked past Devonshire Terrace –  a group of skanky, pebble-dashed, caravan-front-drivewayed, dog-on-a-bit-of-string, rusty metal gate archway type houses.

“Templeton you little shit !” shouted Threadmere as he stormed out of his garage and up his driveway.

“Evening Dave” I answered, looking for somewhere to run.

“You shafted me for that wrench.”

“I may have inadvertently slightly over-charged you on a temporary basis.” I said “But that’s why I’m here – I’ve brought your change.”

“Yeah right!”

Now, I might not have been too clever with my next line.

“Well why  on earth  would I be walking up this God-forsaken road ?  It’s a hole”

And at that point I watched Dave change colour and tighten his fists in rage.

“Anyway,” I garbled. “Here’s your change !”

I fumbled for anything I could find in my back pocket and threw him a £20 note.

“Sorry Dave – Keep the change.”

What an absolute Twat !

Best wishes to Beryl and Gerry

My best wishes to two of my favourite customers Beryl and Gerry Frampton who lost their dog Smudge a couple of weeks ago.  The Framptons live a few doors away from me in Sprodlington, and whilst it is true to say that Smudge was a vocal dog who spent the evenings and nights awake  in his kennel, his loss leaves them clearly sad and the evenings quieter.

I had only just sold them a new kennel, which we  had especially ordered through a local mail order firm.  And a new dog basket.

Beryl explained the other day that Smudge was found in his kennel dead one night with no explanation .” He was only two” she said.

How to get the perfect lawn.

Evergreen Complete

The other week, Mrs Braddish came into Templetons Hardware and told me about her lawn.
“I want to have one of those striped lawns Derek” she said, “But I don’t know how to get one.”
I would think Mrs Braddish is in her late 60’s and it doesn’t surprise me, given her husband died a few years ago, that she has not enjoyed the beautiful experience of a perfect front lawn for a while.
“Now, do I need different kind of fertilisers for light green and dark green stripes?” she asked.
Now I know I have taken some abuse from readers of my mumblings who accuse me of taking advantage of people, but sales in the retail sector are slow, and therefore I should be forgiven.
“Yes Mrs Braddish” said I. “I would use some Evergreen Complete for one row and then alternate with Westland Lawn Feed and Weedkiller on the other.”
She seemed happy enough as she left the shop for the bright sunshine that welcomed her outside, and I popped her money in the till alongside not very much.
I passed Mrs Braddish’s home yesterday, and looking at the lawn, I just felt a tiny bit guilty, before popping off to The Cross Keys to spend her money on a pint.

Mr Braddish's front lawn