Bloody hooligans

 

 

I employed PC Tucknott at Templeton’s Hardware mainly because he was cheap, but partly because  his part-time inclusion as a Special Constable (prior to the Scout in a headlock incident) would help with security. But the lad is a bloody idiot.

On Friday of last week, Tucknott biked to work and chained his bike to a lamp-post outside “Bitz and Pizzas” – he lost his key.  I offered to sell PCT cutting equipment, suitably docking the amounts from his next six month’s salary, but he said it would be fine.

Yes, in less than two weeks his bike resembles something that would normally be found in Dean and Kylie Smith’s front garden alongside the washing machine, broken garden chair, fag butts and dog shit.

You’re nicked!

In the last three months, four regulars at The Cross Keys hostelry have been arrested as they arrived home on suspicion of drink driving. Derek (the Domino player),  Harry Mullet, Steve Simpson and Bernard Lefevre (a rather odd French fellow) have all been found to be over the limit. Derek and Steve have both been found guilty and banned;  the other two await their appearance at the nearby magistrates court.

No one is quite sure about why the local traffic cops are taking such a hard-line on the folks from Sprodlington. They are hardly ever seen at other times. I can remember when we had that spate of hoody car vandalism  – not one in sight.

I always walk to the pub now – just to be safe.

Hitman for hire ?

Hitman for hire

It does appear as though I may have confused some visitors to my ramblings with my headline “Derek Templeton fixes things . . . and makes everything better.”
I am at pains to point out that I am not a gangster, neither am I a hitman available for hire, nor am I a movie star.
I ought to confirm that I am Derek Templeton, I live in Sprodlington and I am the owner of a hardware store. I apologise to anyone who feels this is the place to come when they have a score to settle.

Welcome to Lazytown

I have always taken great pride in my work at Templetons Hardware store. That means opening the shop early and placing all the ladders, and clothes lines and chopped wood outside the front of the store and getting them back in each day.
What I find so annoying these days is other professions where laziness has crept in; let me give you two examples if I may.

    Coronation Street

So the script writers have got too many characters and the story lines are not working. Do they work a clever script and plot to change the scenes. Do they bugger ! They’ve decided to wipe a whole load of them out at once.with a story grabbing headline. Producer Phil Collinson told This Morning that the viaduct will collapse and a tram is going to crash into the street. Brilliant (not) Very very lazy.

    Raoul Moat

Congratulations to Det Ch Supt Neil Adamson, from Northumbria Police, who said he had a “gut feeling” Moat was still in Rothbury but admitted he may have “fled the area”. Wow what brilliant detective work. He might be here – but he might not. Either way he wants to save face. If he’s there “I told you so” and if has buggered off then “I thought he’d gone.” Its Lazytown !