More vandalism in Sprodlington

The Sprodlington Post this morning tells a woeful tale of vandalism along the local beck. Their chief reporter, Dan Woolaton observes that panels of fencing have been flattened and along certain parts of the path – completely removed.

Followers of this blog will realise that this is not the first time our lovely market town has fallen foul to the antics of these hooded yobos.

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Bloody hooligans

 

 

I employed PC Tucknott at Templeton’s Hardware mainly because he was cheap, but partly because  his part-time inclusion as a Special Constable (prior to the Scout in a headlock incident) would help with security. But the lad is a bloody idiot.

On Friday of last week, Tucknott biked to work and chained his bike to a lamp-post outside “Bitz and Pizzas” – he lost his key.  I offered to sell PCT cutting equipment, suitably docking the amounts from his next six month’s salary, but he said it would be fine.

Yes, in less than two weeks his bike resembles something that would normally be found in Dean and Kylie Smith’s front garden alongside the washing machine, broken garden chair, fag butts and dog shit.

The day my world nearly ended

There’s two generations of hard, hard graft and effort behind the successful establishment that is Templetons Hardware, but yesterday’s atrocities nearly broke my world.

I remember the lines from an English lesson many years ago “Heav’n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn’d,
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d.” And yet, in truth nothing could have prepared me for a real life Tsunami leashed upon me from  the revenge of a woman whose advances I’d declined.

My father said to me many years ago when we sat and had tea on an old packing case. “Derek, nothing will take this away from us. Nothing!” And as I looked at him, I promised that I would stand tall against recessions, hardships and difficult periods in life. “Nothing will take this away from us.”

Yet, as I picked up the broken glass and the buckled shelves bent double by the vented spleen of a woman so enraged with  venom, I stood in silence and  listened once again to the voice of my father. The voice that pleaded with me to  keep his name and his  hard work serving the community for a few more years.

And I know that I have no one to pass this store to. I know I have no memory to recall of a time spent sitting on tea-chest with my own son and a shared promise between two. I know that one day Templetons Hardware will be no more.

But for my Father’s sake I will not let this woman close me before my time. Not before I am ready will I lock the door for the final turn. Not until I have thanked every customer who has graced these floorboards will I rest.

You my friends are what keeps me alive. You are my friends; my people; the people I can trust and on whose support I know will always prevail. You my friends will stand with me and say “We beat this wicked woman. We stood together for what is right and what is good. We supported Derek back on his feet and let him stand proud once more. We were the people who made the donations to pay for the new flooring he wanted and the new till and the in store kitchen area with microwave and Dolce Gusto coffee machine. It was us, US, Derek’s friends who lifted his soul.”

Lloyds TSB. Sort code 99-99-93 account number 09746536672.

Thank you my friends.

You’re nicked!

In the last three months, four regulars at The Cross Keys hostelry have been arrested as they arrived home on suspicion of drink driving. Derek (the Domino player),  Harry Mullet, Steve Simpson and Bernard Lefevre (a rather odd French fellow) have all been found to be over the limit. Derek and Steve have both been found guilty and banned;  the other two await their appearance at the nearby magistrates court.

No one is quite sure about why the local traffic cops are taking such a hard-line on the folks from Sprodlington. They are hardly ever seen at other times. I can remember when we had that spate of hoody car vandalism  – not one in sight.

I always walk to the pub now – just to be safe.

Well how fortunate was that.

Well, how lucky was that ! 

If  I hadn’t had so much T Cut metallic Colour restorer in stock for those poor residents of Sprodlington whose cars were scratched and vandalised by those unidentified hoodies, I couldn’t have helped selling them a solution.

Needless to say, we have now sold out, so  Wendy has now ordered more stock;  but we have made sure we have only ordered our usual case of six rather than thirty she ordered by mistake last time

Vandals, blooming vandals

It says something about the world in which we live when vandalism hits the small market town of Sprodlington.

The talk in the town yesterday, in what can fortunately be described as a busier day than usual in my shop, was of a riot of vandalism sometime between 12am and 6am the previous night. That’s the time when I am definitely asleep.

It appears as though our little market town was visited by some older looking hoodies who took to scratching some of the local residents’ cars. In a bizarre form of “tagging” (I think that’s the term) these vandals only scratched cars of the mid blue colour range. I understand that in total thirty cars were scratched.

What is the world coming to ?