How to get gagged

Yesterday I was reading an bizarrely interesting blog about “The Private Language of Marriage” written by Delia Lloyd. The blog appears to be a collection of comments from relatively happy souls giving each other advice on how to have lovely marriages (Mrs Templeton take note). Certainly the couple the author depicts look as though they would never let go of each other.

such a lovely couple


But one poster named “Nardeeisms” claimed the following as good advice ;

“Whenever I cook something delicious, my husband says “”This tastes burnt”” It’s a compliment of the highest caliber.”

Well, excuse me but predictably it’s not! I tried it and got popped over the head with a pan by Mrs Templeton.

I was not happy, so I wrote a comment on the author Delia’s blog to explain what Mrs Templeton had done. I was keen to warn other readers that if they followed this suggestion that they too may get something of a surprise in return.

What thanks did I get? Delia scrubbed my comment. How nice is that when I am trying to help!

Others who I have tried to help have been far nicer and details can be found in my new section “Derek Helps Out”

The lovely Nicole Griffin Eakin has sought my help with her addiction for creating lists, and Kevin Shannon was very grateful when I shared with him my delight at the response my glossy adverts received in The Sandwich Shop’s front window

Vandals, blooming vandals

It says something about the world in which we live when vandalism hits the small market town of Sprodlington.

The talk in the town yesterday, in what can fortunately be described as a busier day than usual in my shop, was of a riot of vandalism sometime between 12am and 6am the previous night. That’s the time when I am definitely asleep.

It appears as though our little market town was visited by some older looking hoodies who took to scratching some of the local residents’ cars. In a bizarre form of “tagging” (I think that’s the term) these vandals only scratched cars of the mid blue colour range. I understand that in total thirty cars were scratched.

What is the world coming to ?

You can’t trust anyone

Recently my wife Wendy was covering in the shop whilst I was out and she accepted a delivery from the wholesaler for a case of thirty T Cut Metallic Colour Restorer. She then opened the case and put some out on the shelf removing my chance to send them back. I only ever order six at a time.

Yes, technically on this occasion, I may have ticked the wrong box on the wholesaler’s order form, but that’s a result of them needlessly changing their brochure design to incorporate more special offers and manufacturers’ adverts. But, even if I take into consideration that the manufacturers at Tetrosyl Limited, Bury have clearly worked hard to make the use of their product “Now even easier”, I can’t see how I am going to sell thirty until 2013.

Incidentally, how can a car polish be “Now even easier” ? You put it on a cloth; then on your car; leave it and then wipe it off ! I also note that on the back of the thirty bottles I now have in stock it says “Do not apply to rusty or freshly painted surfaces.” Has anyone seriously ever tried to polish rust or fresh paint?