Taking the Nation by storm – The next big thing

The next big thing

There’s been some well-considered comments from my friends Merewoman and a lovely chap in France called Jon about my act which is designed to take the Nation by storm in the next series of Britain’s Got Talent.
Now we are all agreed that whistling and humming at the same time is pretty damn special, but Merewoman (now she has steadied herself a little) is very much focused on adding a third dimension to the act. I say steadied, as she was once suggesting the inflation of balloons from the wrong endand waving them at Her Majesty.
I am pretty fixed on adding the Samoan Fa’ataupati Slap Dance

The commercial benefits are huge. Just think this through. I head the group with my whistling and humming of “Windmills of your mind” (The Noel Harrison version not Dusty’s) Behind me Merewoman, Jon in France, Doris Brazil and BlarneyCrone (although I’m not sure about her yet as she blames everyone for her mistakes and might cause some disquiet in the group) perform the Samoan Fa’ataupati Slap Dance.
Suddenly, Amanda Holden is on her feet doing the seal clap. Piers is smiling and Simon has “sailed us through to the next round.”
The nation is agog and the lavalava has become the new Vuvezela.
“Where can we get the lavalavas?” the nation begs.
Then, after Templetons Hardware has sold out, the focus switches to the only other UK stockist in Appleton MarshDoris Brazil’s Ladies Wear. Elsewhere in Europe Merwoman makes a bundle as she has just acquired the exclusive rights to market Doris Brazil’s ladies’ clothing in France, including the islands of French Polynesia, Wallis and Futuna, Mayotte and French Guyana and I would let Jon in France benefit too.
I think we’re all on to a winner here.

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Britain’s Got Talent Auditions


I watched most of Britain’s Got Talent last year, but on reflection, I wonder whether they are judging the people with real talent or if Simon Cowell has just let the potential revenue generators through.
I mean yes, Susan Boyle sang well and Diversity danced together, and in this series the Spelboud group were strong and supple – but is that real talent?
I can whistle and hum at the same time. I think that’s a real talent and its one that I think will get that Amanda out of her seat doing her seal clapping thing, whilst she smiles and fully tests her Botox. Even Piers Morgan would say
“This is real talent. This is what this competition is all about. Its a “yes” from me.” And Cowell would say
“You’ve got three yesses. You’re sailing through to the next round.”
My challenge would be to pick the correct song to get the crowd out of their seats, clapping along to start with. I am considering the following
Durham Town – Roger Whittaker
Where do you go to my lovely – Peter Sarstetd
The Windmills of you mind – Noel Harrison

Questions and more questions from Doris Brazil

There’s a little old lady who owns a clothes shop in a small place called Appleton Marsh. Doris Brazil is her name and she has asked me to answer a few questions.
Now in truth, I think Doris has a thing about me and probably doesn’t realise that I am happily married to Wendy. But to keep Doris happy, I am happy on this occasion to oblige

1. Why did you start a blog?
When Tracey our daughter comes to visit from Malton and The Cross Keys is open, I can pop down there. However on the odd occasion that she pops round when it was closed, I needed to find something else to do. Of course only to give her some quality time with her mother.


2. Comfy shoes or killer heels?
(See what I mean about Doris – she’s a funny one and perhaps a little fantasist!)

My working Hush Puppies

I’ve never tried killer heels, I only wear Hush Puppies given that in Templetons Hardware store I am on my wretched feet most of the day



3. The funniest moment in the last week?The funniest moment of last week was when Bin from Dionysus Kebabs pretended he was the Dad in the Greek act from that Britain’s Got Talent programme. He danced like he was Michael Flatman from the River people dance troupe.

4. What would have been your dream job?I would have liked to have been Clive Sullivan powering up the wing for Hull FC. Clive, who now has a road named after him in Hull (ironically slower to travel on in a car than he could run) still holds two records for Hull which are: Most tries in a career (250) and most tries in a match (7) against Doncaster on 15 April 1968.

The famous road in Hull. Clive Sullivan Way


5. If you won the lottery tonight, what would be the first thing you’d do?
I would go down to The Cross Keys and pop a few quid in the fruit machine and have a game of Doms. I wouldn’t tell anyone anything about my win!

6. Most useless gadget you own?I think they are all detailed here . . https://derektempleton.wordpress.com/2010/06/15/should-i-buy-some-vuvezelas/ but I would have to admit that someone bought me this and I have never understood what it is

What on earth is this thing ?

7. You’re waiting for someone and they’re late. How late is too late?

Some people I know won’t wait for people for more than two minutes before strolling off and doing their own thing. I have just a little more patience, but only a little.

8. Are you a do it now person, or a it can wait until tomorrow person?I am most definitely a “It can be done by someone else now” type of person

9. If you were a drink, what would you be?
Drunk

10. What was the first thing you thought when you read these questions?


I thought that Doris Brazil had created a very bizarre way of trying to find out some more information about me. As stated, I feel I have stoked her fire.