Me and my Big Mouth !

Well at least now I know that someone who reads this blog, or is an acquaintance of mine on Facebook has contacts in my small market town of Sprodlington.

A few weeks ago I told you all about Dave Threadmere and how I was gloating about how I had short-changed him for a 7/16 inch and 1/2 inch quad box wrench.

I’d only just popped out tonight for a quick pint of Bishop’s Pizzle in The Cross Keys, when I walked past Devonshire Terrace –  a group of skanky, pebble-dashed, caravan-front-drivewayed, dog-on-a-bit-of-string, rusty metal gate archway type houses.

“Templeton you little shit !” shouted Threadmere as he stormed out of his garage and up his driveway.

“Evening Dave” I answered, looking for somewhere to run.

“You shafted me for that wrench.”

“I may have inadvertently slightly over-charged you on a temporary basis.” I said “But that’s why I’m here – I’ve brought your change.”

“Yeah right!”

Now, I might not have been too clever with my next line.

“Well why  on earth  would I be walking up this God-forsaken road ?  It’s a hole”

And at that point I watched Dave change colour and tighten his fists in rage.

“Anyway,” I garbled. “Here’s your change !”

I fumbled for anything I could find in my back pocket and threw him a £20 note.

“Sorry Dave – Keep the change.”

What an absolute Twat !

Hitman for hire ?

Hitman for hire

It does appear as though I may have confused some visitors to my ramblings with my headline “Derek Templeton fixes things . . . and makes everything better.”
I am at pains to point out that I am not a gangster, neither am I a hitman available for hire, nor am I a movie star.
I ought to confirm that I am Derek Templeton, I live in Sprodlington and I am the owner of a hardware store. I apologise to anyone who feels this is the place to come when they have a score to settle.