World Cup Baby Names

I jest ye not!

These are a list of babies registered at KwaZulu-Natal hospital during the World Cup. True to Zulu tradition, the newborns have been named for events at the time of their birth.

Offside Mchunu;
Argentina Sibiya;
Vuvuzela Mhlongo;
England Nkosi;
Soccer City Mthembu;
Cameroon Vilakazi;
Striker Hadebe;
Italy Buthelezi;
Midfielder Zwane;
Denmark Ntombela;
Red-card Mbatha;
Brazil Khuzwayo;
Coach Sibisi;
France Kheswa;
Goalkeeper Sithole;
Parreira Mthethwa;
2010 Dlamini;
Jersey Magubane;
Substitute Shandu;
Ball Skhakhane;
Stadium Gumbi;
Kick-off Shabalala;
Park n Ride Khumalo;
Half-time Hlatshwayo;
Tickets Ngubane;
and Kaka Zuma.

How fantastic is that

Regards to all
Dreary Day in Sprodlington Derek

Derek and The Dominos

Wade insists on losing his shirt

It should have been a quiet end to the night. The World Cup Final had played out in the public bar of The Cross Keys, Sprodlington and in the corner of the saloon bar, with a few World Top’s already consumed, Wade the crop sprayer sat with the rest of us. He had just lost every game of dominos.

I couldn’t work out why he continued with his bizarre tactic of trying of offload all his 3’s first; I’ll never understand.

“You’ll take the bloody shirt off my back” barked Wade, jumping up from his stool and scattering the dominos.

“Wade, we’re playing for a couple of quid a corner,” I said. “Now sit down.”

“You’re just a bunch of hustlers,” he continued “and you want the sodding shirt off my back.”

“Oh for God’s sake, here we go!” predicted Colin, having seen Wade do the same routine at least seven times in the last 12 months.

And so there we sat, and watched Wade stand on his stool; take off his shirt like a footballer who had scored the winning goal in the World Cup final, and swing it around his head before releasing it across the bar.

Now sit down” we all said.

Should I buy some Vuvezelas

 Now I like to think I am a sharp thinker and with my finger on the pulse. I also try to have a quick turnaround of stock in Templetons Hardware, but I cannot decide whether I should bring in some of these Vuvezela things that everyone keeps banging on about. 

I could make a quick return, albeit for a little disturbance of the peace in our little town of Sprodlington, but if I get this wrong then I feel I may be stuck with them for some time. 

This afternoon I went down to the store in our cellar and looked through some of the old stuff I have been unable to shift. The Mrs Thatcher mugs were, I thought a definite winner. but they stuck. I have kept these in easy access as I’m not sure The Iron Lady is so Iron these days and if she melts away, so to speak, I could get a quick return for nostalgia. 
But maybe there is a theme with mugs in Sprodlington ? The Charles and Diana double handed mug should have sold quckly, but again gathered dust on the shelves. Even after the French driver found the central pillar I couldn’t sell them. and I am now pretty much at the point where I might have to just write these off, rather like the Mercedes. 

I thought perhaps that maybe it was Diana who was unpopular in Sprodlington, so I had a punt on Charles’ next venture Camilla, but none of the five tea towels I put out on display sold, and again these are in storage until some untimely news when I will have another go at moving them through. 

But its not just Royalty that seems to stick in Sprodlington. I recently tried a more modern approach and brought some Mr T dolls. I was never actually sure who he was. They didn’t sell either and I ought to check whether the fellow is still with us, or I may have missed the boat. 

Perhaps I ought to play safe and not purchase the Vuvezelas for Templetons Hardware.

Its official – Sprodlington now really supports England !

At this evenings Sprodlington Chamber of Commerce meeting, a motion to increase the town’s visible support for the England Football team was carried.

From tomorrow all shops in Sprodlington will display England Flags in their shop windows.
“Its great news for the England team and could possibly assist in the important match against Algeria on Friday.” said Alfie Barnett outside the meeting.

Even young Bin, the owner of Dionysus Kebabs said that he would purchase the England Flag and display it alongside his Greece Flag.

A present for Robert Green, England’s Goalkeeper

Now, I don’t pretend to know an awful lot about football, but we were expected to win yesterday’s game of “soccer” against the USA. Whilst Wade did suggest on Friday that the USA would turn up late and claim the victory; the generosity of a certain Robert Green in the England goal, meant that they nearly didn’t need to come at all (although technically they would have needed someone to have the shot on goal as Green may have stopped a back pass.)

Clearly Mr Green’s gloves were faulty and not working. First thing Monday morning I will be despatching to Mr Green, England Training Camp, Rustenburg, the following. They are the most sticky gloves I can find, and whilst I know a good workman should not blame his tools, I am sure Mr Green will consider wearing these as they are far stickier than his current selection.

Secondly, last night as I wandered home after work from Templetons Hardware, Sprodlington, I came to the opinion that the town is not supporting England as much as it could. Many of those in Sprodlington know that I am Chairperson of the local Chamber of Commerce. During AOB on Monday evening’s meeting I will be suggesting that every shop in the town puts an England Flag in their front window.

England match v USA


Wade and I sat in The Cross Keys, Sprodlington last night enjoying a rather nice pint of World Top and pondering Capello’s starting line up for this evening.
“Do you know what?” posed Wade as he raised his glass to his mouth
“I wonder if the Americans will turn up just before the end and claim the victory!”


Bloody Sun – England Flags


So, the day after I stock up on England Flags, trying to do my patriotic best for Queen and Country and that Rooney swearing bloke, The Sun newspaper “gives them away ” to all readers (if that’s an adequate description for those who buy the newspaper

In the meantime, my flags which are reasonably priced at £3.99 appear to have faltered at half mast.

I have a box of 150 unsold flags in my store-room. It’s not even as if there’s a Royal Wedding on the horizon, and it does appear as though The Queen is going on for a little bit longer. Would people wave flags if the Duke of Edinburgh left us ? I’m not sure if he is even English though.

Bugger and sod.